Midwinter Madness
by galaxian gal
Summary: Ty Lee wants nothing more than to have a perfect Christmas with her fiancée's family, but once confronted with shattered champagne glasses, makeshift flamethrowers, crazy in-laws and an untimely blizzard, she thinks her dream holiday might go up in smoke. — Tyzula Advent 2015. Dynasty-verse. Complete.
1. Conglamorous

A/N: **Some Quick Facts About This Fic:  
Chapters: **4  
 **Pairing(s):** Azula x Ty Lee. Also: ZukoxKatara, MaixOzai, UrsaxIroh and AzulonxIlah.  
 **Rated:** T for mild language, mature humor, melodrama and strong sexual themes.  
 **Notes:** This is for the Tyzula Advent Calendar, and will update at the end of the week until Christmas Eve. It's an expansion of Drabble 89 from _Chasing the Endless Sunrise_ , but stands alone. I'm going to do one week of prompts per chapter, but they're unlabeled because it's a continuous narrative that wound up with a lot more to it than the drabbles I intended.

* * *

 **Midwinter Madness**

* * *

" _Well, what can I say? It's Christmas and we're all in misery."  
\- Christmas Vacation -_

* * *

Prologue: Tasteful Nudity

* * *

The first time Ty Lee sees her in nine years, she is on the glossy cover of a magazine.

Azula Shinohai is a person who is more likely to be the cover of _Forbes_ or _Time_. Maybe _People_ once or twice due to her looks and the fact that her private life incites rumors. Ty Lee saw her in _Vogue_ three times for interviews about her remarkable business exploits, dressed in high fashion red or blue silk that stood out starkly against her ivory skin, dark eyeliner and long lashes that made her golden eyes glow.

 _But_ right now, Ty Lee is looking at her on _Maxim_ with nothing on but a nearly sheer blue and gold robe hanging from her flawless shoulders, her raven hair surprisingly long and strategically placed.

It's definitely a difference from the perpetual blazers and buns.

She could have been a pampered heiress Paris Hilton, but instead, she is some kind of deity in stilettos, detached from humanity, _better_. Ty Lee cannot explain the heir to a business empire run by a family too-often compared to the Kennedys, and she _really_ cannot explain why she is so possessed to grab that _Maxim_.

It probably has something to do with the fact that once upon a time, Ty Lee was best friends with the beautiful but awkward Azula-next-door, who was in Girl Scouts with her, who was the head of every single club, who grew up to be _Azula Shinohai_. But that was a long time ago, and Ty Lee doubts that the gorgeous woman decorating the issue of _Maxim_ rolled up between her hands even remembers that Ty Lee ever existed.

She never imagines that she will wind up having her life saved by Azula Shinohai one day.

She never imagines that she will wind up having _a_ life _with_ Azula Shinohai one day.

* * *

Chapter One: Conglamorous

* * *

Azula hates snow.

Vehemently.

But, inexplicably, she lives in New York City, which has superfluous layers of filthy snow. She has to admit that it makes her wish she were going to Los Angeles to stay with her father for Christmas instead of freezing Montana for the horrifying family holiday her grandfather is hosting. Of course, he must have ulterior motives for it; there is no way he isn't plotting to test his relatives.

And Azula passes every test she takes, at all costs.

She currently is walking down the quaint little street that her girlfriend lives on. The snow crunches under her heels and she can just _feel_ them being ruined, because she already ruined her damned boots.

The twenty-six year old CEO of an oil company that was gifted to her several Christmases ago pushes open the door and enters a warm, white room with reproductions of fine art on the walls and a bored security guard texting at the front desk.

"You're here for Ty Lee?" the girl asks, because she has to. She looks like she really, really does not want to.

"Yes," Azula says coldly without even looking at her. She opens the door, walks past the feeble attempt at a classy lobby and takes the elevator to the third floor.

And minutes later, she is treated to a sight that belongs in a disaster movie and not her beautiful, well-managed life. There is a little girl in a hat with cat ears on it is bouncing around and trying to shove a variety of stuffed animals into a pint-sized pink suitcase while her mom is in a frantic frenzy trying to figure out how she can make her expansive beauty product collection TSA compliant.

Azula does not offer to help either of them; she sits down on the only chair not covered in discarded clothing options and silently waits. The vicious lioness in her wants to seize control of the situation and give a very riveting speech about _time management_ and _organization_ , but she just sits down and tries very hard not to just get the lighter out of her blazer pocket and light this apartment on fire.

It probably is the only way to clean it.

 **.**

Somehow they manage to leave on time and arrive at the airport before the sun engulfs the Earth.

Azula has her nicest luggage, her girlfriend, and her girlfriend's whiny daughter in tow as she strides through the airport like a warrior into battle. The cold, crisp air chills the sweat on her skin as she tries to make sure Ty Lee and Bunny understand the importance of this.

Bunny struggles to keep her little pink, lacy suitcase behind her as it smashes against her heels, while Azula ignores her and continues at her fast pace. Ty Lee attempts to help Bunny keep up but isn't very successful.

"I would like for you to remember the importance of this Christmas," Azula _yet again_ reiterates as they walk towards the opposite end of the opposite.

"Right, right, your grandfather's favor for his inheritance and the business or whatever. I'm not really that stupid, but I think you might be really that crazy." Ty Lee mutters before batting her Bambi eyes and playing cute. Mentioning the fact that Azula's dad sent her away to Colorado for a mental breakdown is never wise. Thankfully, her girlfriend is so preoccupied with her grandfather's will that she doesn't notice.

"There are rumors that my grandfather might be abdicating his ownership of the empire within the next two years. Of course, I am already CEO of _one_ business, but _due to that_ I deserve _everything_."

"But you have a lot of family higher in the hierarchy…" After a brief pause, Ty Lee suddenly gasps and two travelers turn to stare for a few moments. "Are we going to secretly kill them all off? That would be so ─"

"Unfortunately, no. Although... my family hasn't stayed together for longer than a dinner in several years. And my grandmother probably should have confiscated all knives... and maybe forks. Perhaps they'll kill each other off before New Year's."

"You're kind of obsessed with this. There's no way you won't inherit the company or the seven companies, I guess. Conglamorous? Is that the word?"

"Yes." Azula rolls her eyes behind her sunglasses. But then she slides them down further and gold eyes survey Ty Lee. "I sometimes can't tell if you're smart or stupid."

She receives no answer save for a befuddled gaze, and therefore shoves her sunglasses back up the bridge of her nose and continues walking.

At last, they come to a halt. Azula balances the Starbucks coffee on her hand and comes to a halt in front of the two uncomfortable flight attendants, waiting for her and wringing their hands.

The attendants, stammering niceties, help the three of them town onto the tarmac and out towards the beautiful Air Shinohai plane waiting for them.

Ty Lee looks out at the snow outside, and thinks perhaps she will miss it.

"I remember when I moved to New York," Ty Lee says, "the snow was higher than my head. It confused the heck out of me."

"I moved in summer," Azula says, her voice far away and distracted.

"We ran into each other last winter. One year together, oh my God." Ty Lee smiles faintly as she thinks about walking out of the club with make-up itching on her face and sparkles in her hair, and she ran into the girl she thought she lost. It was ice cold and there were snowflakes in her raven hair.

She sparkled much more than the girl with glitter lotion on her.

.

The trio arrives at a home that is somehow cold despite the fiery color scheme. It is a long, long drive from the Bozeman airport. But the beauty of the huge mansion amongst the mountains is overwhelming, and well worth the long drive. _The Versailles of the Rockies_ , Ty Lee once read in a magazine.

On the inside, the _colors_ remind Ty Lee of fire, but something about the manor is icy and uninviting. Bunny looks very frightened by it and its looming posters that Ty Lee thinks should be in _Scooby Doo_. She remembers being really scared of this place as a kid.

Ty Lee used to think it was haunted, to tell the truth. Her daughter has the same feeling.

Azula walks Ty Lee and Bunny up to her old bedroom without any other relatives interfering. Ty Lee cannot fight the flood of nostalgia. She went to school with Azula in Los Angeles, after Azula moved in next door, and her family decided they ought to spend more time together. That included a variety of vacations as kids, and coming up here for the summer was a tradition.

This might as well have been her childhood room, but it's way less pink and cute than her one at her parents' house.

"And here we are…" Azula gestures around and throws her suitcase onto the bed.

"It hasn't changed _at all_ ," Ty Lee says excitedly, laughing again. She pokes the color coded pens and stack of notebooks with Azula's name in beautiful calligraphy on the tidy covers.

Azula glances around at the perfectly intact time capsule to her childhood. Maybe Ty Lee is right that Azula has not changed that much since she was young and lived with her grandparents. She has posters that are in frames. A dresser with _coasters_ on it for drinks, and a bookshelf with more trophies than books.

Ty Lee has only fond memories of this place. Azula honestly can say the same.

"It is just like it was when we first…" Azula trails off when she sees Bunny. She walks over to the bed and sets her suitcases on it. "Now _please_ make a good impression on my family. They haven't seen you since you were much more innocent looking."

"Of course, empress," Ty Lee says with an exaggerated bow.

Azula rolls her eyes. The doorbell rings.

Ty Lee tenses up, her toes clenched inside the tip of her pink heels. Azula listens intently, uncertain who will arrive first; she has had little success attaining the itinerary of her family members from grandfather.

She instantly hears Zuko's voice and cannot keep herself from rolling her eyes. He is, of course, deep in conversation with his awful girlfriend. Ty Lee listens, her head tilted like a cute confused little puppy or curious kitten. She is so relieved that it's Zuko first and not Azula's dad or, worse, her mom.

"Ugh," Azula sighs. "You know what my brother's girlfriend does with his money?"

Ty Lee shrugs and turns her palms up. "Iono."

Bunny pokes a trophy and barely catches it before it falls and breaks. She looks up with her dark eyes wide, and is grateful to see that Azula and Ty Lee haven't noticed.

" _Charity_ , Ty Lee, _charity_ ," Azula says scathingly and Ty Lee squints at her in confusion before deciding to just go with it. "She has a thousand of them and they are all a magnificent waste of time."

"Oh, that's... despicable." Ty Lee grins and twists her fingers together for good luck. She cannot mess this up if she wants to become more serious with Azula. And she _does_.

They walk down the stairs, Azula poking Ty Lee's spine to improve her posture. Bunny has only just settled on the bed, but Azula whispers to her, "Look as cute as you can. Be cuter than any baby they could ever make together. Which is not so difficult, so you will excel."

Ty Lee grimaces, pats Bunny on the head, and stays a few steps behind Azula as she regally walks down the staircase like something out of an Academy Award winning movie.

Katara and Zuko are deep in conversation, the door still ajar behind them. Azula closes a fist as a symbol for Ty Lee and Bunny to freeze and be silent.

"She's awful," Katara says vehemently. "Okay, they're _all_ awful, but she has it out for me."

Zuko looks torn between the easy way or the hard way, and halfway chooses the hard way before changing his mind. "You also have it out for h... Forget it."

Katara is just getting started. "She is manipulative, cruel, vain, smells like booze and cigarettes... _aaaand_ standing behind me, right?"

"Yes," Azula purrs, her voice echoing through the foyer. Her tone is glacial fire that makes Ty Lee's skin prickle. "I am directly behind you. I thought you'd notice from the smell of _booze and_ _cigarettes_ ; I can tell when I smell hemp and two weeks of dried sweat."

Ty Lee laughs, then chokes, then walks away and starts closely examining the displays of priceless family heirlooms. She lifts Bunny into her arms to get her out of the crossfire.

"The smell of human is actually more appealing than chemicals, believe it or not," Katara snaps. "Ask Zuko."

Azula tries not to gag.

"Ugh. I agree with Katara." He waves his hand and gazes enviously at Ty Lee luckily being ignored while she points out the names of people in photographs to her cute daughter. Zuko _does_ hate his sister and love his wife. That should be reason enough to tolerate this madness.

"Of course you do. I can see the new haircut. It's shaggy and unappealing. Are you a vegan now too?" Azula asks and Ty Lee thinks that perhaps that viewpoint is a little unfair. She cannot imagine Azula _actually_ hates people who made a reasonable life choice not to kill helpless animals, as awful as Azula is; this rivalry goes deeper than can be fathomed.

"Actually, yes," Zuko says firmly. He is unhappy about that decision, but Katara made sacrifices for him too, and lying in front of her face would be a dishonorable action.

Azula cackles, which he _knew_ that she would do when he said that. "Oh, she made you a vegan?" The mirth in her gilded eyes fades and is replaced with molten severity. " _Good_. I'm sure you'll die of protein deficiency soon and I won't have to worry about you stealing my inheritance."

"And that's your girlfriend?" Katara cocks an eyebrow as Zuko feels acidic rage bubbling within him. She really doesn't want to see another sibling versus sibling fistfight break out today, as much as she loathes Azula.

Three sets of eyes drift to Ty Lee, whom is tapping on an old clock that does not seem to be working. She then notices she is being stared at and jerks to attention.

"Yes. I am Azula's girlfriend," Ty Lee says brightly, and Azula is relatively impressed. She imagined this would get pathetically awkward fast. "We are so in love, and she is amazing and perfect for me. She basically saved my life, you know?"

Ty Lee wraps herself assertively around Azula's arm. It was risky, but it seems to have worked; Katara and Zuko both are glaring even more fiercely.

"Of course I did," Azula purrs, and Katara is about to say something _loudmouthed_ certainly before the door opens again and a set of stilettos clicks inside. Mai and Ozai have at last arrived. "Well, that must be Zuko's _ex-fiancée_ with father."

Ty Lee cocks an eyebrow. "Zuko's what?"

She doesn't have time to answer because she hears an unmistakable voice. Azula cannot reel her in before she goes to the door and sees Mai. Ty Lee hugs her before she can react.

"Mai!" Ty Lee shrieks at the top of her lungs.

"Ty Lee?" Mai croaks through the tight embrace.

"You two know each other?" asks Katara, befuddled.

"Mai's my best friend from high school!" Ty Lee doesn't let go.

"What about Azula?" Mai asks.

"Mai's my _second_ best friend from high school!" Ty Lee corrects without hesitation. "I missed you. Wait ‒ you got engaged to Zuko? Really? Wait ‒ you got ‒"

"Married, yes," interjects the horrifying voice of the man Ty Lee has always wanted to impress but never could. She doubts Ozai will ever think she is good enough for his daughter, as he has made clear on more than one occasion.

"After dating for only a few months and without informing me," interrupts the man who Ty Lee is even more frightened of. Azulon Shinohai was always scary when she was a kid. And he still is. "But, lo and behold, she isn't pregnant."

Ty Lee steps back and can see the entire scene. There's Mai dressed in a little black dress beneath a half-buttoned black trench coat, beside Azula's father, who looks as frightening as usual. Zuko looking shaggier than when he was a kid, and Katara trying to look nice for Ozai but with clear disdain for both he and Mai. And Azulon, well dressed despite being in his own home.

"Is that yours?" Azulon asks and Ty Lee jumps. He is pointing loosely at Bunny.

"Yep," Ty Lee says nervously while backing towards her daughter.

"What's your name?" he inquires in a far, far kinder tone than he uses with this own offspring.

"I'm Bunny and I'm six." She got her mom's fear-smile.

"Nice to meet you… Bunny…"

Ty Lee nearly trips in terror over the way he looks at her when he says Bunny's name. Thankfully, Azula gently catches her and strides forward.

She greets her family with much more grace and finesse than her fiancee.

.

Azula escapes to the gardens with Ty Lee and Bunny as soon as she can afford to. Her father is officially locked in conversation with her grandfather, just as she thought she would die from the attention she was receiving from Azulon and Ilah.

"Things are going well. My mother and uncle haven't arrived yet," Azula says softly as Ty Lee examines the ice sculptures in complete awe.

"Who makes these?" Ty Lee asks, expecting some sort of expert gardener imported from Scandinavia. She never came here in winter, just the sweltering summer.

"My grandmother does," Azula says, shrugging as if this is normal. "She does flowers in spring and ice sculptures in winter."

Ty Lee looks past the beautiful animals and people made of ice and gazes at the mountains. They are _gorgeous_ ; the snow makes them even more beautiful than the purple peaks she remembers from adolescence.

Azula sits on the closed hot tub with a cigarette in her mouth. She has her blazer on her lap and her ivory skin exposed to the elements. Her mother will arrive at any minute, and she is dreading her uncle even more.

"My grandfather," Azula says with a slow exhale as Ty Lee turns around Bunny and lets her go play with a frozen panda, "likes my uncle as much as me. We've always been neck in neck in this race, and this holiday is the one when somebody wins, I guarantee you."

Ty Lee just smiles. She has decided she wants no part in the Shinohai Family Civil War, but she is going to be part of the Shinohai Family as soon as Azula gets around to helping her with the wedding plans. That reminds her… "Do they know I'm your fiancée?"

Azula sits there and makes a small face that means _no_.

.

Azula reclines in an ancient parlor with impressive mixed drinks by her fiancée. Ty Lee was worried about seeming like a bartender, but Azulon values skills, especially skills involving alcohol, since this family has problems with addiction and weird hobbies.

"So, what are your opinions on current events?" Azulon asks Ty Lee and she just smiles really brightly.

He waits for an answer and she squeezes Azula's hand.

"I," Ty Lee begins, "don't follow current events because I think they're unimportant to me and my life as a cute and pretty woman."

Ty Lee is grasping at he-looks-kind-of-sexist straws after the racism she uncomfortably nodded at, and, thankfully, she gets lucky. Her smile has become real now.

"Well, I'm very glad to know you are exactly the type of girl my granddaughter has always dated. Because she is very pretty and feminine but respects traditional relationship roles," he says and Azula nods.

Ty Lee cannot hide her sigh of relief when Azulon turns his attention to an exasperated Katara.

 _"Your people have a hundred words for snow or something don't they?"_ was the first thing he said to her, and so Ty Lee really can't blame that expression and third glass of straight whiskey.

But everything changes the minute Ursa and Iroh arrive.

Azula is telling one of her preselected interesting stories while Katara is texting her angry thoughts to Zuko ‒ and therefore Azula doesn't have to worry about her tedious interruptions ‒ when the doorbell rings. Now, now it truly begins.

"Should I break Azula and Ursa's glasses now or wait for them to do it?" Mai asks quietly and Ozai shoots her a glance that could kill, but it just makes her shrug and lean back in her chair.

Ilah rises and goes to answer it, and Ty Lee loses the only person who isn't completely insane in this room. She holds onto Azula even more tightly as she hears the door open and the very soothing voice of Iroh… with the less soothing voice of Ursa.

Ty Lee never hated Azula's mom. When she was a little girl, Ursa was always so much more compassionate than her own parents. She cleaned up her scraped knee once instead of telling her that tears are for the weak and her sister needs attention, and even helped she and Azula make s'mores before Azula just set the sticks on fire despite the drought.

Azula, however, _always_ has hated Ursa. And that hatred has only intensified like an untreated infectious wound since the divorce in which she was given to her father forever and her brother to her mother forever, since that was the only custody her crazy parents could agree on. Excluding those two dreadful years of suffering through three days _every month_...

Now, Ursa does nothing but strike horror into Ty Lee's heart.

Ty Lee has some hope, however, until she walks inside, and Zuko stands up, and she hugs him and Ty Lee wonders if Mai really should have preemptively broken their glasses. And everything else breakable in this entire mansion. The look Azula has just given that woman for hugging her own child gives Ty Lee scared goosebumps.

"And Katara, and Azula, hi." Ursa looks almost apologetic about the icy air between she and her daughter. Azula does not.

"Hello," Azula says, batting Ty Lee's hand away when she tries to wave.

"And your father with… well, I had no idea it was Azula's high school reunion. It's good to see you, Mai and Ty Lee. You both are so beautiful and under thirty." She is looking at Ozai the entire time.

The silence is massively uncomfortable, and so Iroh clears his throat loudly and picks up a suddenly very noticeable bright pink present bag from the floor next to him. Azula's mother quite awkwardly sits down, seeming to have realized what came out of her mouth. Iroh has already turned to Ty Lee's daughter, and offers her the gift.

She grabs it. He laughs. Azula imagines herself strangling him. How dare he do his research on she and Ty Lee ahead of time.

"Bunny, do you like dolls?" Iroh suggests and Azula makes an inexplicably angry sound in the back of her throat. She grins and rips open the bag before Ty Lee can beg her to be polite.

"It's a Barbie private jet!" Bunny screams. "With Barbies too! And _Ken_." She cocks an eyebrow at her mother and Ty Lee laughs nervously.

"Heartwarming. Ty Lee and I have to talk in the kitchen." Azula seizes Ty Lee by the arm, and disappears into the dark kitchen.

She flips on a light and opens the door and shuts it and screams and then walks back inside and Ty Lee pretends not to have heard it.

"Maybe your mother feels bad. Her face looked regretty," Ty Lee suggests hopefully.

"I have seen remorse on her face before and it is _lie_. Like those butterflies that pretend to be snakes except backwards," Azula says with a molten stare that does not leave her fiancée.

Ty Lee swallows and licks her lips. "True. I'm really sorry that we didn't prepare more."

" _I_ prepared admirably. It's not my fault you forgot all of your lines and my uncle brought gifts to sway our- _your_ child in his favor," Azula says breathlessly and Ty Lee offers a plastic smile. "I think you should mix us some more drinks, and we should wait the fifteen minutes it will take before we can just go to bed for the night."

"I like that idea," Ty Lee says honestly.

Thank God it works.

 **.**

Twenty-five minutes later, "I'm not having sex with you in your childhood bedroom," Ty Lee hisses as she adjusts her pajamas. "One, it feels weird. Two, these walls are super thin. I don't think you'd do so good at winning your grandfather's fortune if he heard that."

Azula doesn't bother arguing. She hates it when Ty Lee is right.

"So, any suggestions?" Azula asks softly. "The television in here only gets the weather channel. I already tried."

"Well, we can watch the weather channel." Ty Lee grins. "We can make an itinerary based on the forecast. You love itineraries. You love them more than me, even."

"That is true," Azula says, fumbling on the shadowy floor for the archaic remote she dropped at some point while unpacking.

They are in silence as it crackles to life. It's even in black and white, Ty Lee notices. Oh, that's just sad.

"Oh, those are little cloud things symbols." Ty Lee wishes she had better small talk.

"Freezing and cloudy days all week. Just like inside this madhouse," Azula mutters.

Ty Lee smiles, but Azula doesn't see in the darkness.

 **.**

Ty Lee can't sleep for the life of her. She just edges closer and closer to Azula in their bed, because she likes the way she smells. It's so comforting, even if her intoxicating scent is mostly that of intoxicants. As she rests her head on Azula's shoulder, Ty Lee cannot stop glancing at the shadowy vignettes of a life they have shared since they were little.

She thinks a lot about things that _combust_. Like the 4th of July sparklers that Azula could write with when Ty Lee just twirled them around and Mai dropped after two seconds because she found them boring. About the fact that Azula found a lighter on the side of the street with this completely awesome blue dragon on it, and she still has it to this day.

Eventually, she cannot keep tossing and turning and struggling. She wiggles out of the bed and sets her feet on the ice cold floor. She never thought she would come back here like this; she never thought she would be Azula's date to her family Christmas. Or that she would somehow wind up _marrying_ that girl-next-door everybody dreams about as a little kid.

Ty Lee walks into the bathroom and sees that foreign brand of hairspray that she does not know if Azula ever even _used._ She finds her toothbrush, which is tucked in among her eyeshadow-stained make-up bags and Azula's meticulously organized puzzle-box of a travel case.

She has only just grabbed it when her scream echoes through the cold manor. "Spider! Spider! Spider!"

Azula wakes up and instantly feels a surge of adrenaline. She quickly realizes that it is her _beloved_ fiancée finding a spider, and not the nightmare she inhabited, and that the knife she is holding up in the darkness is completely unwarranted.

She sighs and walks across the hall to the guest bathroom. Ty Lee is on the counter holding a hairbrush like a club, her last line of defense against, "Oh, I actually think that kind might be venomous. Good thing you caught it before we went to sleep."

Ty Lee whimpers and clutches the hairbrush more tightly.

"Kill it, Azula. Kill it!" Ty Lee squeals.

"Give me that hairspray." Azula extends a hand expectantly in that _regal_ CEO tone that drives Ty Lee crazier than her fiancée.

"Why-why? Azula, that hairspray is right by the spider!"

"Ugh. I'll get it myself. You're horrible and should learn to wash dishes if I'm going to do this," Azula snaps as she grabs the hairspray and Ty Lee hears a familiar _flick_.

"What are you doing? What are _doing_?"

"Killing the spider." Azula presses down, with that two-decade old blue dragon lighter and Ty Lee nearly falls through the solid wall because that _is not okay_.

A flamethrower has just erupted in the guest bathroom. They are _not even two days_ into their visit. Also, _a flamethrower_.

"Do you think you're Ellen Ripley or something?" Ty Lee screeches. "You burnt the wall! They're going to be mad at us!"

"The wall is perfectly fine. It just needs... baby wipes or something. You asked me to kill the spider, and so I did." Azula smirks and Ty Lee pouts, averting her eyes from that sexy smugness.

"..."

Azula shrugs and purrs, "That's actually the only reason I have hairspray. My hair is gorgeous and perfect without any help."

"To kill spiders with fire? You can kill spiders with fire _without_ hairspray! Why do you feel the need to do that?" Ty Lee hisses as she tries not to hyperventilate.

"Well, yes, but that's not any fun," Azula says with a dramatic sigh. "Here, I found a lighter in my step-mother's purse. You can have it."

Azula tosses it over and Ty Lee barely manages to catch it. "What do I need this for?"

"Next time there is a spider, you will see how fun it is to create a flamethrower." Azula also slides the hairspray to her girlfriend. "Instead of falling out of a second story window like you did last time you tried to kill one."

"..." Ty Lee is agape and really hates how fun that sounds... and hates how embarrassing the second statement is.

Azula lectures, "It's such a shame most people don't smoke anymore. What if we were in a plane crash and needed to make a fire?"

"What if we needed health insurance because you burned us alive killing a spider?"

Azula shrugs. "I like to live dangerously."

Ty Lee wishes that weren't so sexy.

 **.**

In the morning, Azula successfully evades breakfast with her mother in the guest wing, and promptly sits Bunny down in front of the big screen television in the refurbished basement and asks, "Where are your _Sailor Moon_ discs?" while silently praying that they were not forgotten in the chaos Ty Lee calls a home.

"My packback," Bunny replies into her sippy cup of hot chocolate.

Azula succeeds and finding it and starts it playing before she hears Zuko saying, "You're good with kids. I never would have thought," with a sarcastic clap.

She shoots him a glare that makes him flinch.

"I'm not fourteen. I have accepted that it is acceptable for me to not hate children, ZuZu," Azula says and Bunny laughs.

"ZuZu…" she murmurs a few times before the show absorbs her attention.

"I never thought in a million years that you would end up with Ty Lee and a kid. Ever. I thought maybe a series of mistresses and… cats? Yeah. I'll go with that." He sets down his empty Red Bull and sits down on the sofa.

"I never thought you'd become a complete pussy at the hands of a controlling lunatic. Oh wait, I did." Azula wishes she had a better insult than that, but there is no taking it back. "I didn't expect the wasting your money on charity and becoming a vegan part."

Zuko pauses, unaffected. "I remember when you were that cute," he says.

"I'm still that cute." The corner of Azula's lip twitches. "I was an adorable child, I know. Big gold eyes, pretty, charming…"

And Zuko tries not to gag. "I thought I might have possibly missed you until just now."

Pause. Bunny looks nervous. They both laugh and then the room is quiet save for the sound of _Sailor Moon_ for several awkward seconds.

"Do you remember when you and Ty Lee did ballet together?" Zuko asks as he notices the ballerina on Bunny's backpack and thinks of a way to break the silent. " _That_ was hilarious."

Azula scoffs and sits down on the coffee table. "I was extremely talented, as with all things. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Although my feet are still messed up."

"You wanted to be a ballerina. Did she tell you that, Bunny?" Zuko smiles.

"Nope." Bunny looks up with her sparkling eyes.

Azula wishes Zuko did not say something to make that child admire her more. Bunny already looks up to Azula far more than the Surgeon General recommends.

"It's how they met," Zuko says and Azula shakes her head.

"We met in Girl Scouts when we were eight. She switched to my studio after we became friends. I mean, after her parents found out who our father is." Azula smirks; Bunny clearly doesn't get it.

Zuko smirks. "Oh, that was eight years before she started dating me."

"What?" Bunny asks, her eyes wide.

Azula glares.

Zuko flees but has no regrets.

 **.**

Across the mansion, Ty Lee sits down with a mug of peppermint tea in her cold hands. Mai has a matching one, although hers is slightly chipped. They both have settled on the windowseat. It faces the overwhelmingly beautiful mountains, and the picturesque frozen lake in the distance.

"I didn't even know you still talked to Azula," Ty Lee says brightly. "I'm so excited to see you."

Mai shrugs. "I thought you moved to New York City to dance. You said it was your calling."

"Azula called a little louder." Ty Lee smiles at the memory of a grungy street almost exactly one year ago. "I didn't get remotely successful anyway. I'm more successful as her personal assistant at least."

"Assistant for what exactly?" Mai asks mockingly and Ty Lee glares at her before snorting with laughter.

"I wouldn't accept money in exchange for dating her. And so she gave me a job. It's not the best job but I really don't have the skills for business, so that would be pretty blatant nepotism. But personal assistant to a genius celebrity is _pretty_ awesome," Ty Lee says, smiling.

"Sounds awesome," Mai very sarcastically replies, but it goes right over Ty Lee's head.

"Yeah. I've taken Bunny to the American Girl store more times than a sane person ever should." Ty Lee looks away from Mai and how much _older_ she is. Things have changed so much, but those mountains never do.

"You know, when you name a child you name them for their entire life," Mai says without any regrets about her rudeness.

Ty Lee shrugs. "You sound like my mom." Pause. "You're Azula's mom! Why are you asking me about _my_ relationship?"

Mai hesitates, thinking it through. "Yeah. Yours is probably slightly less boring. He offered to pay off some debts of mine for a single date. And Zuko had just broken off our engagement through a text from the LAX tarmac. It worked well for everyone."

"Debts? Your parents have more money than a trillion Tony Montanas!" Ty Lee exclaims.

"That is an interesting unit of measurement." Mai is briefly at a loss for words before contuing, "But Azula's parents have more money than God. Also, my father went to prison like eight years ago and my mother ran off with her boyfriend and my brother… and cut off all contact. Or something."

"Why?" Ty Lee asks, stunned.

"Organized crime. Pretty boring." Mai shrugs, not needing to add anything else. Ty Lee thinks she ought not to ask. "The fact that we eloped without telling his parents is the only interesting part of my story."

Ty Lee thinks the first date is the most interesting one she has ever gossiped about – and there have been many – but she isn't going to argue at this point.

"I just kinda was really at rock bottom when I ran into her again. It was, what? Like _forever_ years. Yeah, almost ten years since we graduated and…" Ty Lee swallows. She doesn't want to talk about that. "Well, I just thought it would be totally worth it to give it a chance."

"And if it all went as downhill as Azula's every other relationship in history?" Mai asks.

"I'd have some fun. I always said when life gives you lemons, make margaritas and throw a party."

"Margaritas are made with limes," Mai replies to the girl who is an alleged drink-mixing expert.

Ty Lee rolls her eyes.

.

After being told, _you kids go out and play in the snow while the adults talk politics_ , by Azulon, four very-not-kids and one child are bundled in snow clothes and prepared to go play outside. Because they all know what Azulon is planning after this holiday, and none of them are risking over a billion dollars in fast fortune over the technicality of being in their late twenties.

"Are you capable of going outside dressed like that?" Katara asks Azula, while Zuko tries to make his left boot fit and Ty Lee dresses Bunny.

Azula cocks an eyebrow. "I'm going to ask you why because I feel sorry for you and assume you're going to critique the fox fur lining of my extremely classy mittens, scarf, earmuffs set."

"I was going to just ask how you would light a cigarette without setting your mittens on fire, but yes, I wear fur lined everything, but you might have noticed that it's _fake_ because I have a soul."

Azula is unfazed. No wonder Zuko loves this bitch; he needs her to fight Azula for him. "How fortunate of you. But the soulless live forever. Have fun dying of old age one day."

Katara rolls her cobalt eyes. "That's not even funny," she snaps before Zuko kisses her cheek and hugs her.

Azula is revolted, but promptly distracted by a much sexier kiss from a much sexier person.

And Azula is pleased to report that she _doesn't_ set herself on fire.

More admirably, she doesn't set Katara on fire, despite prodding Bunny to throw a snowball at her.

 **.**

"Does your grandmother not bake?" Ty Lee asks as mid-afternoon approaches and everyone is as bored as Mai.

"No. Not since she accidentally poisoned those kids with turpentine," Azula replies.

"W-what?" Ty Lee blinks several times. "I never heard about that before."

"I won't spoil it. She tells that story every Christmas Eve dinner and I'm trying to stay on her good side. I find this to be stupid and sexist, but I'm doing it because you look good in that apron."

"Thank you!" Ty Lee replies, twirling around to show off the cute pink cupcake print.

After nervously glancing at their partner in cookies, Ty Lee subtly steals the rolling pin from Azula and the kitchen knife from Katara before they begin baking. There is _no way_ she is letting them keep those, no matter how much Azula compliments her cute sweet pink apron with the cupcakes on it.

"I want cupcakes," Bunny says for the third time.

Katara smiles at the cute little kid. She really does like Ty Lee's little one, even she already hates Ty Lee almost as much as she hates Azula.

"Cupcakes aren't a Christmas food," Ty Lee says, pouting at her little daughter. She considers removing her apron but then sees Azula out of the corner of her eye.

"They can be! We just make them red and green!" Bunny clasps her hands and tilts her eyes towards the light. She is an expert at begging, Ty Lee has to admit.

"She has a point," Azula replies, cocking an eyebrow. Bunny nods furiously, her braids whipping through the air.

"Doesn't your grandmother have some kind of old cookbook?" Katara asks, walking across the huge kitchen and locating a stack of bound notes.

"No. She has never cooked or baked in her life. Those belong to a series of servant chefs," Azula says honestly, and Ty Lee smiles.

"I remember your nanny. Mmmm, you had a lotta those because you chased them off, but the one during seventh or eighth grade? She made those cakes right?"

"Shut up."

Katara turns around, amused. She thinks she might have stumbled on something that flusters her boyfriend's sister.

"And she taught us how to make them that summer…"

"Shut up."

"And that was the first summer we ever dated…"

"Shut up."

"And I called you sweet sugar cakes for like three months…"

The damage is done. Azula sighs. She seizes her purse.

"I'm going outside. I'll be back when you're done openly slandering my name," Azula says, starting off towards the door.

"Don't be long, sweet sugar cakes!" Katara sings.

Azula slams the door so hard that half of the kitchen rattles.


	2. Total Eclipse of the Heart

_**A/N:**_ _Warning: slight spoilers for_ _Reservoir Dogs_ _within. That movie came out over twenty years ago, so I figure it's safe, but it's polite to warn. Also, "West" is West Yellowstone. I've never heard it called "West Yellowstone" (it's always just been West) and the writing felt weird and stilted when I tried to work that into the narrative._

* * *

Chapter Two: Total Eclipse of the Heart

* * *

The gigantic evergreen tree is illuminated by the fireplace.

It is across the room from the hearth, but the fire burns eerily bright here and so the ornaments sparkle. The cupcakes have been made, frosted and covered in sugary glitter by Ty Lee, and now Azula is going through her one-hundred-twenty-one work e-mails as some low-budget Christmas special plays on the television.

Ilah sits near Katara, who is beside Zuko. There's Mai and Ozai across the room from them, his arm around her shoulders, which Ty Lee would think couldn't end well, but they've successfully not acknowledged each other. The rest of the family is elsewhere, and Bunny is asleep.

"It's fair trade cowboy coffee," says Ilah to Katara, and Katara cannot tell if she is mocking her or not. These people do seem to have a thing for shirking political correctness in favor of being rich jerks. "Well, cowboy coffee just refers to how it's _made_ but ‒"

"There are _grounds in my mouth_!" Ty Lee screams, rubbing her hand on her tongue and shoving her mug onto the table. She has flawless timing.

Azula smirks. "It's cowboy coffee, sweetheart. Did you ever have any?"

"I didn't start drinking coffee until like… a few years ago!" Ty Lee protests with tears in her eyes.

"Why do we have no phone service here?" Azula demands as she futilely attempts to make a call to her idiot secretary.

"Because we're in the mountains in the middle of nowhere, love," Ilah says. Azula keeps her mouth shut for the sake of her inheritance alone. "Ty Lee, do you want hot chocolate instead? Zuko, go get her some nice hot chocolate from the kitchens."

"Thank you," Ty Lee croaks, managing to bat her eyelashes.

Zuko begrudgingly stands up and leaves the room, obeying for the sake of his inheritance alone. Katara gazes after him forlornly; she does not want to be left alone with these psychos but she has no choice.

"Azula used to never put her coffee down," Mai remarks, the memory striking her. "She just kept filling that cup over and over again. Oh, remember when she was addicted to _Monster_ and threw a huge fit at Disneyworld?"

"I do remember that!" Ty Lee exclaims, laughing. "It's so sad because she started drinking them cuz we made her stop drinking coffee. I missed you guys."

Ty Lee sighs wistfully and sinks into the sofa, snuggling up against her still aggravated fiancée. She remembers the smell of this wood, remembers the summers of excitement, the autumn nights she, Azula and Mai snuck out of the school grounds, the winter vacations to Disneyworld or Hawaii and springtime in the Rockies.

"Yeah. It was…" Mai says, but she trails off. She didn't _think_ Ty Lee would, after she ran away from her mess in LA and went to New York to go to an elite ballet school. Then again, she didn't think she would ever be on this sofa with her best friend's dad's arm around her shoulders.

"So, how old were you when you had Bunny?" Ozai asks, not caring how _tactless_ it seems. He will ask about this child before his daughter gets the wild idea to adopt her.

"I was nineteen. She's six," Ty Lee says reflexively, still trying to get the taste and texture of coffee grounds out of her mouth.

"Who's her father?" Ozai asks and Ty Lee suddenly looks uncomfortable. And she _never_ does. She is a shameless, optimistic social butterfly who never looks like _that_.

"Just this guy," Ty Lee says and Ozai cocks an eyebrow at her. "He wasn't so great. I ran into Azula right before the total breaking point. She gave me a job she made up because I wouldn't accept her help and we started dating and it was good."

Azula cannot believe her father thinks that is at all appropriate. Ty Lee's boyfriend was _horrible_. He got arrested for stealing money for drugs from a gym two months ago, but he should've been arrested earlier. Ty Lee had a level of troubling escaping him that is only matched by _gulags_. If it weren't for the fact that Azula has the power to call a few tattooed guys with baseball bats and knives to pay him a visit…

That didn't happen, though. Of course. Azula certainly would not do that, even to the most deserving. Hem-hem. She just hopes Ty Lee doesn't find out… about that thing that certainly didn't happen.

"The fireplace is too far away from me," Mai complains, but she does not budge. "I'm cold and it's gross in here and this room smells like pine air freshener."

"And the only thing you like is complaining," Katara chimes in.

Before another word can be said, Zuko returns sans hot chocolate.

"It's time for dinner," he says, as if he is announcing an execution.

This meal's outlook is bleak.

 **.**

Ty Lee has had dramatic family dinners before. She grew up in a house _full_ of girls and _all_ of them were as emotional as she was. Those past dramatic family dinners are partially why she rarely came home during her school breaks; she wanted to be with Azula and Mai instead. However, this dinner with Azula and Mai seems much more foreboding than their teenage ones.

She sits down and tries to eat her food while listening to discussion of their family business. _God_ is it boring, but Azula is doing great and Ty Lee thinks they might win the grand prize this Christmas. She is _totally_ the most competent CEO ever in the history of forever.

"I'm tired of discussing work. Let's discuss your personal lives," Azulon declares regally and Ty Lee suddenly realizes that he is _aware_ that they are all after the inheritance. And he wants to play with that fact like a cat toying with a flightless bird. "You have such interesting romantic partners. One child brought his daughter's high school best friend, one brought the woman who cheated on his brother with him, one brought an airhead beauty queen and the other brought a dirty hippie."

"Well…" begins Azula before quickly regretting it. She should have kept her mouth shut.

"So, Zuko, are you two at all serious? You seem much more interested in her than last year's model. Is there a word for your exotic tastes? Some sort of fever? Eskimo Fever?" Azulon sips his wine and awaits his answer.

Even Azula, who has quite sadistic tastes, wants to hide under the table. Her grandfather has been able to say whatever he pleases for the entirety of his life, thanks to Sozin Shinohai. And he _is_ from a different time, but that might be a little… _unnerving_.

"No, grandfather," Zuko attempts as Katara gazes intently at her dinner knife. "That's not a term. And I dated Mai. And Ty Lee. And…"

Zuko grimaces. Those are not the wisest words he has ever uttered.

"Well, your father has some strange interest in that girl. I mean, I understand that cute little gold-digger Azula is with ‒ at least there's a word for lesbians and cheaters like Iroh ‒ but while she is beautiful, I think you'd be better off buying diamond necklaces than a waste of college tuition."

Azula thinks she might have just been complimented? She is fairly confused right now.

Mai jumps in without even squirming for a second. "He said he was always into those goth girls from movies. And liked the _suicide girl_ type thing." Pause. "I've never actually been one of those. I think I have to clarify that."

"What is a suicide girl?" Azulon asks, leaning forward.

"It's a pornography thing. They're unruly looking women with tattoos who have naked pictures taken of them. Not unlike your granddaughter. Remember when she was in Maxim, everyone?"

Now _that_ is a high quality awkward family silence.

"I had tried to forget," Azulon says coldly.

"He paid your college tuition? What's your degree even in?" asks Katara and Azulon is quite attentive. He has to admit that his offspring's absurd love lives are amusing, and making them uncomfortable as they vie for prime spots in his will is the best part of every single occasion.

"Werewolf hunting," Mai replies assertively.

" _Mai_ ," Ozai growls, but Azulon laughs.

"Ugh, fine. Criminal Justice and Corrections," she admits.

Ty Lee giggles and asks, "You… studied to be a cop? Weren't your parents…?"

"Criminals. Yes. That was kind of the point. I wanted to work for the FBI, of all things. But now I just lie by the pool and watch _Quantico_ instead, which I prefer, honestly," Mai explains and Azula has never felt this level of envy. This is an all consumptive enviousness that makes her vision red.

How on Earth is that emotionless girl so good at charming grandfather?

This is going to be a _long_ week.

* * *

It is a grey morning in the mountains and Bunny is eating a cupcake for breakfast. They have been blissfully uninterrupted, until Iroh materializes with the intent of feeding his materialism.

"Hi, Iroh!" Bunny says and Azula rolls her eyes.

"How would you like to come last minute shopping?" Iroh offers and Azula _knows_ that her mom put him up to this; there's no way he would ask a girl who set him on fire once to go shopping with him.

And so Azula politely declines by making a bullshit excuse. "I'm very engaged in whether or not these… girl people will find their… rainbow stones."

"Rainbow crystals," Bunny corrects brightly.

"Right. That's what I said," Azula says, gazing up at her uncle with an amused smirk.

"You don't want to come last minute shopping?" Iroh asks again and Azula returns her gaze to the pointless anime show. Maybe not so pointless; she used to watch it when she was younger. "It will be very fun."

Azula looks up at him. She cannot believe that he thinks she will take him up on his offer.

But then Bunny says, "I wanna go shopping," with a look in her eyes she certainly got from her mother.

Azula swallows and rolls her eyes. She cannot believe this. "I will go last minute shopping with you, Uncle. But only because Bunny wants to and I refuse allow you to corrupt her."

Iroh beams and Azula seethes. She is _certain_ that he has some dark ulterior motive, because that is the _only_ reason why he would want to go on this shopping trip with her. He must be aware that they are the two most likely to win grandfather's favor this Christmas, just like she is.

When Azula finishes grooming herself and forcing Bunny to put on her winter clothes, she sees that it is not just her intolerable uncle who is forcing her on this trip. Ty Lee, Mai, father, mother. Not Zuko and Katara, which she would be grateful if it weren't for the fact that they now get extra time with Azulon and Ilah.

"You can't expect me to do this with _all of them_ ," Azula breathes, her eyes wide.

"Azula, it'll be so fun!" Ty Lee shouts up the stairs.

"Yeah, Azula, it'll be so fun," Mai repeats. She realizes how much she missed the miserable, bleak days of her high school existence. Maybe it wasn't so bad.

Azula should get an award for not murdering them all on the spot.

 **.**

"So, where exactly are we going?" Azula demands from her uncomfortable spot, squished in the back of an SUV that ought to belong to a drug dealer and not a portly old man with bowl sized teacups. She can only smell fake cotton candy from Bunny's build-a-bear and she wishes she had taken off her jacket before getting in here.

"We're going to West," Iroh explains, seeing as the nearest shopping mall is two hours away.

He gets to drive. It makes Azula uneasy. She likes to have control. No, she _needs_ to have control, and, instead, she's stuck like a little kid amongst her horrible family.

"There's huckleberry ice cream there!" Ty Lee declares and Bunny smiles too. It's very adorable. "Bunny, I mean. I'm talking to my daughter," she weakly attempts to cover.

"And Uncle will, of course, get into lengthy discussions about philosophy and tea parties with every single shop owner or waiter or anyone else he has known for the two thousand years he's been alive and too friendly."

"There is no such thing as too friendly. And I know these people. There is something magical about going somewhere where everyone knows your name and wants to strike up conversation."

"Ugh." Azula slumps in her seat. She hates to admit she _does_ like West, but she _doesn't_ like half of the people escorting her there.

Ty Lee holds her hand, like that will make it feel better.

Hand-holding does not help when Mai tells the story of the polygraph Azula cheated. Mother and Uncle pretend to be so amused by her using a fake name and answering even the prep questions in blatant lies without getting caught, which sickens her to the core.

It isn't as if they were around to hear about it at the time.

 **.**

Azula splits up from her uncle the minute she gets out of the car. And after Ty Lee catches her when her legs wobble wildly. The entire small town of shops and tourist traps outside of Yellowstone National Park is knee deep in snow and reflects the bleak nature of an off-season tourism mecca.

Iroh and Ursa go directly towards the bookstore, which Azula believes _is_ the best bookstore in the universe, but she thinks Ty Lee would prefer clothes. And Mai would probably prefer knives, so she and father join them.

The store smells like leather and sharp perfume, and looks like a set from a western film was turned into a high end boutique. Bunny grabs Ty Lee and drags her to the hats within two seconds of being inside, going right past the toys to the accessories, as usual.

Azula follows Mai to the _hunting_ side of the shop and looks at the extremely boring knives. Mostly so no one will ask her any questions about how _good_ they look or not. Mai doesn't ever ask questions, because she does not care.

Father strikes up conversation as Azula examines the weird, squishy foreign objects used for fishing.

"Are you thinking about marrying her?" Ozai asks and Azula looks up at him with her best _'Are you crazy?'_ expression. He sees right through it. "Are you already married _to_ her?"

She sees no point in the charade. He'll know eventually. "We're engaged."

"I don't see a ring." He presumed that girl would ask for _several_. Not the… mood ring she has been wearing for the past two days.

"I didn't want to… shock anyone," Azula admits, shrugging and placing the pink rubber worm back into its display case.

"It isn't as if they've never met her."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Azula hisses and he laughs. "Everyone who meets her likes her, but she isn't the kind of girl I think anyone _wants_ me to spend my life with."

Ozai looks up at the very sexy girl and her cute daughter. "So that will be my grandchild eventually?"

"Yes. Don't criticize me."

"I'm not planning on it." He turns to the little girl trying on multiple cowgirl hats and offers, "How would you like some cash to buy things of your own?"

Bunny looks at the twenty in his hand and replies, "I only take Benjis."

Turning from the case and cashier, "Can we keep her?" Mai requests loudly as Ty Lee clamps her hand over her own mouth in terror. Mai looks down at Bunny and holds up her purse. "I'll give you two of those if you let me record you saying that."

Bunny nods furiously. Ty Lee slinks away as Mai pulls out her phone.

 **.**

Same store. Almost an hour longer. Azula's feet hurt. This is possibly more exerting than a hike through the park would be.

"So, for Christmas, do you want a cowboy hat," Azula begins, holding up one of the hide hats, and then she holds up a second, "or _two_ cowboy hats?" Pause. "They don't really have many options here."

"None. They look bad on my hair," Ty Lee says as she looks around the shop. It looks pretty grim in winter. "Ooo, those moccasins are cute, though… Remember when we used to buy those every summer because they were appropriate for our school uniform, and we looked _so awesome_?"

Azula shrugs. "I liked the hair ribbons better. That was a trend worth starting."

"Bunny can get little cowgirl boots, aww." Ty Lee holds the little pink ones up.

Cocking an eyebrow, Azula remarks, "I believe she is more interested in the knives."

"Mai!" Ty Lee screeches as she spins around. "Mai, do not buy my daughter that knife!"

"It's child sized. And I already did. I'm going to teach her how to use it safely tonight." Mai hands the bag to Bunny before anyone can stop her.

"The plastic ninja swords." Azula gasps and Ty Lee has _never_ seen Azula look like that before. It's a Christmas miracle to see her so excited. "Do you remember when my grandfather bought the three of us plastic ninja swords?"

"We were entertained for a whole summer," Ty Lee recalls fondly. "You can buy kids all the expensive toys in the world, but they'll never have as much fun as they do with dollar store fake weapons."

"I think my grandfather might still have them in the house. We still have my Barbies from when I was a little girl," Azula says, picking at her lower lip in thought.

"We should look for them tomorrow," Ty Lee says and Azula nods.

It should be interesting, to say the least.

 **.**

"Huckleberry ice cream is _gross_ ," Bunny declares immediately after Ty Lee forces the spoon into her mouth. She spits it out right onto the laminated diner-style table.

"You didn't even taste that," Ty Lee snaps and Bunny glares at her.

"Vanilla _only_ ," Bunny demands, crossing her arms.

Ty Lee looks up and catches the middle of Mai and Azula's debate over hazy high school memories.

"… _You_ never raced cars. Because _you_ are boring," Mai says through her milkshake straw. Yes, she does miss the miserable, bleak days of her high school existence. "My high school summers might as well have been _Death Proof_." Pause. "I wish they were. My life would be so much better if it were a Tarantino movie."

"You're basically a real life Mia Wallace! If only you dressed better and wore better make-up," Ty Lee says warmly. She genuinely thinks it's a compliment, which is kind of endearing.

"I am a real life Mia Wallace," Mai insists, glancing over her shoulder at the non-kiddie table. They look like they are having a horrible time with each other, which is decent consolation.

"Then who am I?" Azula demands bitterly.

"Did you think you were Mia Wallace?" Ty Lee whispers, a devastated expression crossing her face. "I am _so sorry_." Then she grins. "You're the Bride from _Kill Bill_ , stupid."

"Beatrix Kiddo," Azula corrects and Ty Lee rolls her eyes. "I would've also accepted O-Ren Ishii."

"That would be so racist if I said that," Ty Lee whispers and Mai comes very close to laughing. "Isn't your family actually in the Yakuza or something?"

"Probably." Azula shrugs. "There really aren't any syndicates in Montana, however, so I imagine it would have to be in my grandfather's Wall Street days."

Changing the subject, "Okay, who's Ty Lee?" Mai asks, leaning forward. She kind of enjoys this.

"Obviously Alabama from _True Romance_. That doesn't even require any thought," Azula says and Ty Lee glares into her milkshake.

Of _course_ she's the upbeat hooker and _they_ get to be Uma Thurman. It really _does_ feel like her childhood summers with them. Except freezing cold and with a toddler rubbing ice cream on her cashmere sweater.

"I hate that you're right," Ty Lee mutters. "At least she's pretty."

"Who're your other family members?" Mai asks, now truly thinking about this. "I'd say your father is Bill from _Kill Bill_."

"No, if you're Mia Wallace, he's Marsellus Wallace," Azula protests.

"Fine, whatever, but Bunny is Bill's kid whatsername. The little assassin baby."

"Yay!" Bunny declares, pulling her sticky hand away from her mom's sweater for the first time this afternoon. "I wanna be an assassin when I grow up!"

Some cowboys turn their heads to stare.

Ty Lee declares, "No, you're named after the lady they call Honey Bunny in _Pulp Fiction_."

"Wait, what?" Mai asks. She squints. "I repeat: when you name a child, you name them for their whole life, Ty Lee. Also, she's kind of Azula's kid at this point too."

"Ugh," Ty Lee grumbles. "Your grandfather feels more like Bill to me. I can see him running a team of assassins," she and Azula shrugs.

"Fair enough." She pokes at her root beer float.

Mai announces, after brief but in depth contemplation, "Your grandmother is O-Ren Ishii, okay? She works better as her than you."

Azula offers a nod of respect. "I will accept that. She has a sword collection."

Mai then rubs her temples. "Your uncle is way harder."

"I'm torn between the sword-making guy in _Kill Bill_ or Samuel L. Jackson in _Pulp Fiction_ ," is Ty Lee's hopeful addition to the conversation that has sped away from her like those racing cars Mai was bickering about.

"Hattori Hanzo and Jules," Azula corrects smugly and Ty Lee rolls her eyes. They are beginning to hurt from doing that so often. "Get the names right. I'm going with Hattori Hanzo because his nonsensical proverbs are more nonsensical. Also, he makes swords."

"Hattori Hanzo or Iroh?" Ty Lee asks.

"Both," Azula replies with a smirk.

"Aaand Zuko?" Ty Lee asks after her last bite of ice cream.

Azula scoffs. " _Clearly_ Tim Roth in anything. I'd go with _Reservoir Dogs_ because _of course_ he'd be a cop. And get shot. Both of those."

"I agree," Mai says, nodding once. "Now, your mother."

And Azula replies instantaneously, "Hitler from _Inglorious Basterds_."

 **.**

They flee West with a snow storm chasing them down the rocky highway. It has already descended upon the grim midafternoon, the snow falling from an angry sky, threatening to lock the dysfunctional family within an evergreen scented house. They have dwindling firewood and not _nearly_ enough shovels for what Ty Lee is seeing.

Needless to say, blizzards are not pleasant here, and this one is _bad_. Ty Lee thinks this could be the subject of a very low-budget disaster movie. She sits in front of the fireplace with her palms as close to the flames as she can get them.

"This could not have come at a worse time," Azula says as she approaches from behind. She wraps the fur blanket she is wearing like a supervillain cape more tightly around herself. "We're going to be trapped here for days. _In here_. With my family."

"We were already on vacation here in the middle of nowhere," Ty Lee remarks and Azula wishes she could be that naïve.

"We will _want_ to escape. And bad weather makes people do bad things. You must know that," Azula says under her breath and Ty Lee smiles at her.

"Fun bad things?" Ty Lee bats her eyelashes. Azula is not swayed in the slightest.

"Do you define murdering my entire family as fun."

Ty Lee smiles wider and shakes her head. She kisses Azula on the lips and leans towards her. Their hearts leap and a warmth flushes through their cold bodies…

Until, "Momma, I'm sick!" and the sound of _vomiting_.

Ty Lee recoils and turns to see what awaits her.

 **.**

After dealing with a feverish child and a challenging fiancée, Ty Lee rummages through the guest wing linen closet. While she does not find the answer to why she has chosen to marry into a family of _lunatics_ or any decent cold medicine for Bunny, she finds an old record player. Which is twice as good as those things.

It is buried beneath mounds of unused fur blankets and stained towels. She has been _freezing_ thanks to the blizzard that is still raging outside, and so she decided to make Azula's bed warmer. Ty Lee rises and runs down the hall, her heart pounding with excitement.

"Do you have records?" Ty Lee shouts as she throws the fur blankets at her fiancée and dashes back to the hallway to get the wooden box.

Azula is still in shock about the fur blanket assault when she sees why Ty Lee was asking her about that. "Probably in my closet," Azula suggests.

Ty Lee grins. She cannot believe Azula is being a good sport about something for once. And so, she eagerly makes the bed while Azula climbs atop blue boxes of childhood knick-knacks and grabs an entire shelf of old records. She has Eurythmics, The Police and the Culture Club on top, _too much_ David Bowie, and then ceaseless ones from the 1960's.

"Take your pick." Azula tosses them onto the bed. They bounce twice before Ty Lee snatches them up.

"You're even being not-super-selfish tonight," Ty Lee says, smiling as she thumbs through the decaying cardboard. "This was your secret favorite song."

Azula blanches.

"No. That's ridiculous. That's my brother's record," she hastily insists.

Ty Lee laughs. "Should I call him over here to verify that?"

"He'd just lie anyway. You can trust me." Azula gives Ty Lee her cutest expression to no avail.

"Didn't you pass a polygraph once after telling them your name was Susan and just saying 'yes' to every single question, no matter how wild it was?"

"No, that's ridiculous. Polygraphs are completely foolproof. My real name is Susan and I absolutely deliberately lied to all of those questions. If you hooked me up to one, I would absolutely not tell you that – stop putting that on there – I will pour this on the electrical outlet!"

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Everybody loves this song." Ty Lee is still grinning wickedly as she first turns it on and hears an uncomfortable squealing. She quickly changes the speed. "I always said it should be _our_ song."

"That's ridiculous. This is horrible and the lyrics are stupid." She listens to a few seconds before the panic grips her. Ty Lee is giving her a very scary look. No, no, no why does she have that hairbrush? "You can't hear tears. How ridiculous is this, right?"

" _Every now and then I fall apart_ –"

"And you can't sing! At all." Azula is _flustered_. Ty Lee cannot believe her luck.

" _Once upon a time there was light in my life_ –"

"Stop. Ugh." Azula lies down, defeated. Worst. Day. Ever.

" _There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the_ –"

The door opens. Mai does not even have the decency to knock. "It's Azula's favorite song," she says, her voice muffled slightly by the toothbrush in her mouth. "Azula, why aren't you singing?"

Ty Lee drowns Azula's answer out with, " _Every now and then I fall_ –"

"Shush," Mai orders and Ty Lee closes her mouth. "I remember when you left her for Zuko." Mai adjusts the toothbrush in her mouth. God, it tastes bad, but this is too good to miss. "She just would lie in her room playing this song over and over and over again. It was really sad."

Ty Lee reaches to stop the record but changes her mind. Her cheeks are tinted pink and the corners her lips tilted downwards.

Azula sighs, because she wishes Mai would not have mentioned that. And so she does what must be done and offers, " _We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks. I really need you tonight_ …" She doesn't have to finish, because she is being hugged by a woman in her mid-twenties who smells like cotton candy and sings into a hairbrush.

"That was the most romantic thing I've ever seen," Mai says, grabbing Azula's water and swishing it around in her mouth before spitting back into the cup.

"What are you doing?" interrupts Bunny from the hallway.

"Have fun, you crazy kids." Mai leaves as quickly as she came.

Ty Lee goes to take care of her sick little baby while the song fades out and the record slowly freezes.

 **.**

Azula is attempting to sleep. There is no work to micromanage from her phone and even the weather channel is broken. She has never been so _bored_.

"I might have changed my mind about sleeping with you here," Ty Lee says as she finally gets Bunny to sleep and herself undressed and redressed. She slips into bed beside Azula. "Thank you for singing two lines of 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' for me."

"I wanted to spite Mai. It had nothing to do with you," Azula says, sighing and sitting down.

"You're so cute when you're lying, Susan." Ty Lee kisses her neck.


	3. Pillow Forts and Poker Fights

Chapter Three: Pillow Forts and Poker Fights

* * *

 _Crash_!

That is the sound of the shower hooks breaking and smashing onto the porcelain. _Fuck_.

"What do we do?" Ty Lee asks breathlessly, looking like a deer in the headlights.

"… hide them," Azula suggests, her back pressed against the soaking shower wall.

They are indeed screwed. There is _literally_ no way her grandfather would ever approve of her having sex with her fiancée – not that he even _knows_ Ty Lee is her fiancée – in the guest room shower. Azula does not even approve; she is ashamed of herself enough without having the physical evidence of broken shower hooks.

"Hide them where?" Ty Lee steps out of the shower and finds her fluffy pink robe. She wraps it around her body, ties the sash fiercely and swiftly, and then opens the cabinet below the antique sink. "It's crowded in here."

"That's for the best. We can hide it behind the clutter." Azula picks up the hooks, steps out of the shower, twists the knob off and hands Ty Lee the hooks. She locates a towel and dries herself as Ty Lee rearranges everything in the cabinet until the hooks are nowhere to be seen.

"Crisis averted," Ty Lee announces and Azula breathes a sigh of relief.

That was bad.

 **.**

"THIS. SNOWMAN. IS. IMPOSSIBLE," Zuko roars, rending it into powder and broken ice with one powerful kick.

Bunny catches a chunk of the snow that Zuko sent flying. At least someone is having fun after this blizzard. The toddler couldn't handle the wait for Christmas Eve, and started hassling the people Azula needed on her side to win her inheritance about it. And so the CEO made it her business to keep Bunny occupied until tonight.

But Azula cannot stop glancing at Katara's flawless snowman. She even uses _ice_ to add detail. _Ice_. It's just going to blow away as soon as the next storm hits; that kind of effort is pointless. All the same, Azula can feel the simmering acid of envy within her.

"I'm cold," Bunny complains before sneezing loudly and Katara sets her hand on her and starts helping her put back on her gloves.

 _Katara sets her hand on Azula's—sorry, Ty Lee's—daughter!_

Azula leaps up and picks Bunny up in one swoop. "Let's go inside and play with your new Barbies that Uncle gave you."

She runs away from that horrid show-off who just tried to make Azula look like a bad potential mother. Azula slows down once she is inside of Bunny's room. It is the white room; everything is ivory hued, but the sheets are very slightly sticky with pink candy cane residue now that a toddler is staying in here.

Ty Lee, Zuko and Katara catch up to her.

"Why do you people feel the need to be involved in this?" Azula snarls and Ty Lee grimaces. This is getting terrible. "I am caring for my child on my own!"

Katara laughs. " _Your_ child?"

Azula blushes bright red. Her right eyebrow twitches and Ty Lee gulps, grabbing the Barbie boxes and handing them to Zuko to unbox.

"I meant Ty Lee's. You all know what I meant and none of you can afford to mock me," Azula snaps before sitting down and finding her phone. She removes her parka after retrieving it from her pocket and starts sifting through work e-mails. It soothes her to work herself to the bone.

Katara can show off with those wrapping paper scissors if she so pleases. It is not like the inheritance will be decided by who can unbox a Barbie best.

Ten minutes or so later, Zuko is out of patience and the gifts from Iroh are still unopened.

"THIS. DOLL. IS. IMPOSSIBLE," Zuko roars, tossing the scissors into the trash can and nursing the cut on his hand.

Katara laughs and pokes him. "You're bad at this."

Zuko glowers and turns away, saying, "I'm sorry, Bunny. I bet my father can do this."

"Father?" Azula cocks an eyebrow and looks up from her work. "I imagined you would say Uncle, seeing as you hate father so much. Or do you just understand now that he is infinitely better than you in every way."

Zuko grits his teeth.

"Bunny, let's go find those swords me and Mai and Azula were talking about. They could be really fun," Ty Lee says warmly, patting her daughter's back towards the stairs.

The trio abandoned Zuko and Katara and trekked up the stairs, and then up to the attic, where they found the expensive items covered in white sheets that made them look like ghosts. Three chests. Two bookshelves loaded with decrepit books Azula imagines insects have made homes in.

But there, ahead of them, are all of Azula's toys from when she was young. Ty Lee recognizes a few of them.

They laugh about cowgirl Barbies and plastic throwing stars and nostalgia strikes when they see a Polly Pocket. Azula still has a faint smile on her face when they find the three swords. That is so rare that Ty Lee's heart feels swollen from happiness.

"Look, yours is still bent." Azula cackles and jabs Ty Lee's shoulder.

One sword has a pink hilt, one has blue and one has purple. There are some remnants of the gold fabric that used to cover them, but those decorations are long gone. Fake Katanas from a cheap toy store. They entertained three girls for an entire summer when they were young.

Azula grabs the blue one and hands Bunny Mai's old sword. Ty Lee takes her bent one and attempts to straighten it.

Bunny sighs. "I wish I had my Barbies."

"But we have swords! Swords are _way_ better than Barbies," Ty Lee argues. "Azula and I will play pretend with you downstairs if you want!"

Bunny contemplates that offer, tapping on her lower lip. "'kay," she agrees.

And down the stairs they go to an unused living room. Bunny has clearly been thinking up her game for the entire journey, because she orders Azula and Ty Lee to sit down.

"You're a princess," Bunny declares, pointing at Azula.

Azula examines her fake Katana. "Why do I have a sword if I'm a princess?"

"Princesses can fight too!" Bunny shouts.

"Okay, okay, I know. I get it," Azula relents.

"You're also the bad guy," Bunny adds with a sharp nod.

Azula does shrug. She doesn't mind being a villain but, "I'm the princess. Evil _Queen_ makes more sense."

Bunny is fuming and Ty Lee is glaring at Azula for protesting so much. "Princesses can be bad guys too!"

"Fine. Villains have more fun anyway," Azula says, sighing as regally as a real princess.

"Okay. Momma, you're the princess's guardian. You have special karate powers! You have to protect her even though she's really tough! But I'm gonna win, okay? Ohhh… I need people to help me! I can't beat you guys by myself!"

And, intruding as usual, Zuko says, "We'll play with you."

"No, you won't," Azula says coldly as she sees he and Katara. Katara is smiling at the scene and Azula mentally throttles her.

Ty Lee pokes at Azula. " _Please_. I want you to so bad," she whispers in her ear and the hot breath on Azula's neck is very convincing.

"Ugh. Fine," Azula begrudgingly agrees.

Zuko and Katara get to be the good guys. Boring warriors overthrowing a kingdom.

Bunny's imagination is fairly impressive.

"Zuko's dead," Azula says, whacking him with her sword.

Bunny's lip trembles. "Why?"

"Because I killed him," Azula snaps. "He's dead and now his girlfriend should mourn him—Eeee!"

Of all of the things Azula anticipated in her life, her brother's awful vegan girlfriend jumping onto her and tackling her like a goddamned football player is not on the list.

"Ty Lee, save Zuko! He can still make it! She just hit his rib!" Katara yelps as she pins down the wrists of a cold, intoxicant-scented CEO on the ugly shag carpet.

Ty Lee saves Zuko.

"You traitor!" Azula screams, and that is the first thing Mai and Ozai hear when they walk in to see the Fire Fortress Palace Castle Treehouse of Darkness set up with blankets and pillows, and an assortment of toys scattered across the ground. And Katara straddling Azula.

"Holy shit. This is a Christmas miracle," Mai whispers, watching Zuko cringe from embarrassment with a rare sparkle in her eyes. "Are you guys having fun with your pillow fort?" Pause. "Hey, that's my sword and throwing stars. Who gave you permission to use them?"

 **.**

Azula awaits the dinner with apprehension simmering within. She cannot imagine that it will go smoothly, or that her family can even last through its entirety without midwinter madness.

"I bought you a cute little reindeer cardigan for Christmas Eve. I'm going to Instagram this so good," Ty Lee says with a devious grin.

All Azula can do is stare at it. "If the public sees me wearing that sweater, I will never live it down."

Ty Lee scoffs. "It's not like _People_ is going to post you in a reindeer sweater on the front cover."

"That is _exactly_ what would happen when you _Instagram this so good_ ," Azula says, stepping backwards as if the sweater can jump out of Ty Lee's arms and cling onto her.

"Azuuuuula. Please." Ty Lee bats her fake eyelashes. They are gorgeous, that is an irresistible gesture and Azula longs to make Ty Lee happy for her own personal gain but…

"Would you rather see me naked ever again, or see me in that sweater tonight?" Pause. "Your choice."

"You're evil."

"I know. I'm the Evil Princess, remember? The Evil Princess you betrayed, you whore."

Ty Lee giggles.

 **.**

The beginning of the dinner goes surprisingly well. It tends to revolve around the same accusations, the same awkward moments, but the couples are doing a quite good job of keeping to themselves. _This_ is the dinner that will decide the inheritance, and Azula is hoping for a fuck-up on someone's part.

It seems that they are all too aware of Azulon's will to melodramatically attack each other like during most gatherings.

"Ilah, will you tell your turpentine story?" Ty Lee begs after they get five minutes into dinner.

Azula's grandmother smiles faintly. "You all do love when I tell it."

"She told it by accident ten years ago and it's tradition now," Azulon says with a laugh. It is… a _hearty_ laugh. Ty Lee smiles brightly, because he is relatively cruel to his offspring but he does seem to love his wife. Ilah clears her throat and, despite the fact that everyone's attention is already on her, taps her fork against her glass.

"When Ozai and Iroh were young and we lived in Richmond—this was the mid-seventies—they both were in this _playgroup_. Now, I wasn't ever the average housewife given the family business and reputation, but I was required to make snacks for the little kids who came over. I made cookies—baked them fresh—but I was painting our house at the time, you see. I was preoccupied when I got the cookies off of the counter and brought them to the playgroup. The kids began eating them, and I took a bite of one. It smelled and tasted like turpentine. The turpentine I had open in the kitchen."

"W-what?" Katara gasps softly.

"And I went to go check on the other cookies on the counter… they were soaked through. So were the cookies I gave the kids. Soaked through with paint thinner. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't just tell the kids that they were poisoned, and so I got two loaves of bread and some water, and I forced all of them. _Eat the bread_! I demanded. _Eat the bread_! They whined and complained, but they ate the bread." Ilah nods at her family. "None of them died."

Katara is stunned into silence during the gentle applause.

The dinner goes well.

Too well.

Azula is fearing that her inheritance will not be so easy to seize when everyone somehow managed to be on their best behavior for once.

 **.**

"You saw them," Azula says as she and Ty Lee prepare for Texas Hold 'Em, as her grandfather requested. "They all were holding it in during every conversation. All of it small talk, all of them turning red but keeping calm and collected. Our dinner was too pleasant. Mother and Katara are upstairs wrapping presents so we don't have a chance now, but they'll break eventually. _We_ will not. Do you understand me?"

Ty Lee cocks an eyebrow. "Yes, honey, but I'm not the threat of an explosion in this situation."

Azula sighs.

"We have no time for debating which of us is most dangerous to my inheritance. We should play poker. And I will win," Azula says coldly.

Ty Lee grins at her and walks down the stairs, looking like a beautiful ray of sunshine.

The minute she steps down and sees the pool table that they have turned into a poker table, Azulon addresses her directly.

"You can serve drinks," says Azulon and Ty Lee stares at Azula, expecting a defense. But Azula just shrugs and gives her an imploring glance.

Ty Lee purses her lips and stands up to do as she is told. This inheritance better be worth it.

Azula stares at the pool table turned poker table and goes to sit down. She waits for her two cards, waits for her chance to make her lying pay off and direct the conversation to wherever she pleases while most of her family focuses on the game.

"Let's play," Azulon says with a smirk that seems to run in the family. "Zuko is big blind, Azula is little."

 **.**

Ty Lee has served two rounds while they are three rounds into their game.

"You guys are too intense about this," Ty Lee whispers.

Mai looks up at her. "You haven't seen us play _Scrabble_."

Azula laughs, because _that_ is when the wolves come out. _Scrabble_ destroys their family more than _Monopoly_ somehow, and has resulted in more broken boards.

"We own casinos. This is invaluable," Azula says and it takes Ty Lee too long to realize that Azula is referring to what she wants. She wants to prove that she deserves ownership of all businesses, several of which being gambling establishments.

Yikes.

Ty Lee goes to make more drinks.

 **.**

Azula is winning and she is on _fire_.

But Zuko is creeping up on her and she has the worst hand imaginable. Her heart pounds when she looks at her grandfather, despite keeping calm every other time she bluffed and took it all. She needs to break Zuko. Needs to.

"I'm going to beat you," Zuko says confidently and Azula glances at Ozai. "Why are you laughing? Why do you think you have that right?"

"Because you're not going to win. When have you ever won anything?" Ozai stands up. "I fold. I'm going to get a real drink because that little ornament can't make one of these to save her life."

"I hate him," Zuko mutters to himself.

Because even when Zuko has won in the past, he was never good enough for his father. Azula always was. Azula brought home countless trophies for every endeavor and every activity she signed up for. Zuko had multiple talents, but Ozai never invested a cent in them, and so Zuko came up short to her.

"Father loves you," Azula says sweetly and Zuko glares at her. "Fine. You think he's _always_ disappointed in you like some paranoid and insecure little boy? Tell me then, when was it," Azula asks, "when you first looked in father's eyes and could only see disappointment?"

Zuko throws his cards at the table, knocking over one of the pool balls. It clunks into the basket. Ozai walks back in just in time, drink in hand.

"You are a bitch and I'm leaving. I'm going to help Katara and mother wrap presents, because they're not crazy people!" Zuko realizes what he said and Azula can barely conceal her smirk. He looks at grandfather…

And can only see disappointment in his eyes.

"That outburst was very immature of a grown man who should have a family of his own by now," grandfather says and Azula's eyes light up like glittering gold ornaments. "And, Azula," he says, making that glow instantly disappear, "poker with your family on Christmas Eve is not worth mocking your own brother to win. You seem to take after your father in that way."

"She was just telling the truth," protests father and Ty Lee's jaw drops. They had all been collected in front of Azulon, even if they were loons when he was not around. "I am disappointed in my son's decisions and how he turned out. He was the blind puppy that needed to be drowned."

Ozai finishes and glances at his fuming son.

And then it all snaps.

"Aim for an ugly part of the wall, ZuZu!" Azula calls out.

 _Crash_!

That, Ty Lee knows as she jumps and flinches, is the sound of madness.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ _Hi there, thanks for reading this far :)_

 _Tomorrow I'll be posting the last chapter because it's not finished due to IRL getting in the way. And it will include an epilogue of their Christmas morning._

 _I do have a question before then: would anyone be interested in a prequel/sequel story in this Universe to flesh out the characters, their relationships, the past and possibly a disastrous Tyzula wedding that becomes a battlefield for the fam? I know Modern AUs have a bit of a stigma – I don't know if I succeeded at this one or not – so, if you have the time, I'd_ _ **love**_ _to hear your opinion on both this Universe, if it's a decent Modern AU (I'm a bit insecure about if I pulled it off), and if I should write more within it._

 _Thank you so much for reading and I hope you're enjoying the show. Merry Christmas!_


	4. Let It Go

Chapter Four: Let It Go

* * *

It is the night before Christmas and all through the Rockies, not a creature is stirring except a young man shouting obscenities at his younger sister, whom is jumping over six feet of snow in green tights and a red blazer to catch up with him.

"You're going to freeze to death, ZuZu!"

"You'd love that! More inheritance for you!"

"No, I actually wouldn't love it if you froze to death!"

"That is literally the nicest thing you have _ever_ said to me!"

"I know! And it always will be! Zuko, come back here because if you die I'm going to be forced to murder you! At least slow down, dammit!"

Zuko pauses a moment to consider if he should or not, and that is enough time for her to vault herself over the last snow stack and land directly behind him. He almost throws his arm up and grabs her in a choke hold, but he is not sure if he could win that fight.

She won most of the trophies in their martial arts. He was _good_. He was _really_ good, but father stopped buying him lessons after he lost two competitions in a row. It was, needless to say, an overreaction on Ozai's part.

"Go back to the house. You know very well you'll die out here," Azula says, trying not to look as freezing cold as she is.

Zuko groans. "Why has it always been this? Why has our family decided to have a fucking Civil War because Mother and Uncle couldn't…" _keep their hands off of each other._

"Oh, the war started before then. Father and Uncle fought with an admirable sibling rivalry in their youth, and I bet it goes all the way back to Sozin and his first enterprise," Azula says, slowly shaking her head. "It's fun. It's kind of like a soap opera."

"I don't want to live in a soap opera."

"You already do." Azula glances around and sees how damned lost they are. Her teeth chatter like typewriters. "But you'll _die_ in _The Thing_ if we don't find our way out of here."

Zuko doesn't argue, but he doesn't agree either.

 **.**

Meanwhile, Bunny is finally ready for bed after a day of being forcibly occupied. Her little heart thumps with excitement for what she knows will be waiting for her. And, of all people, she clings tightly to Mai.

"Mai, Mai, Mai, Mai. Tell me _The Night Before Christmas_ ," Bunny pleads, widening her eyes.

"Your mom looks just like that when she's begging too," Mai remarks. She then realizes she is going to relent. It is way better than watching whatever fight has begun in the basement. It sounds like Ozai confronting Azulon at the moment, which will not do them any favors in the will.

Bunny guides Mai to her cozy guest room and jumps into the stuffed animal covered bed. Mai hears footsteps and recognizes the hushed voices in the hallway as Katara and Ursa.

"Why don't you ask one of them for _The Night Before Christmas_. I don't know it," Mai says and Bunny shakes her head feverishly.

"I like you," Bunny says, tugging at Mai's hair.

"I don't know any Christmas stories. Really."

"You gotta know one!" Bunny demands fiercely.

Mai takes a deep, slow breath. Ursa and Katara are watching, their interest of course piqued.

"I know one from another country. You've probably never heard it," Mai lies and Bunny shrugs.

"A bedtime story is a bedtime story." She grins just like Ty Lee does.

There is a long silence before Mai manages to collect herself and select the only Christmas story she honestly knows.

"Once upon a time," Mai begins, glancing over her shoulder for help from Ursa and Katara and receiving exactly none, "on a Christmas long, long ago—"

"When?" Bunny demands.

"1988," to which Ursa made an uncomfortable sound in the back of her throat. "Once upon a time, on the Christmas of 1988, there was a man named John McLane and he was a cop for the NYPD. You know about them, Bunny," Mai says and the New York native nods.

Katara sucks in air to keep from laughing.

And Mai continues, "He was visiting his separated wife at her fancy… either of you know what that company did?"

"Nupe," Katara replies, choking slightly.

Mai frantically looks around the room and her eyes rest on a plush animal first. "At the unicorn stuffed animal enterprises factory headquarters. They were having a Christmas party and there was this one guy doing coke-Coca-Cola. Drinking. Drinking Coca-Cola. And that's all I remember about the beginning."

"Bruce Willis took his shoes off at some point," Katara adds, _finally_.

Mai continues, "Right, right. So, then this awful guy Hans Gruber came along to… steal Christmas. I guess? Does that make it better? Hell if I know. Hans Gruber wanted to steal Christmas and so he send guys with assault rifles around and kept a ton of hostages. John McLane witnessed a murder of the owner of whatever I said that company did. Hans Gruber wanted the code to… steal Christmas. So he shot the guy in the face."

"Mai!" snaps Katara.

"No, no, I like it!" Bunny squeals.

"Right. He shot the guy in the face. So, John McClane tried to call the police but they didn't help him because Hans Gruber tricked the guy. Then John McClane got the guy's attention by dropping a dead body of one of the guys' asses he kicked onto his car."

"He used a dead body?"

"At some point he also sent a dead body down an elevator and put Santa Clause stuff on him and write _now I have a machine gun, ho ho ho_ on the corpse in blood."

"Awesome!"

"See, kids love violence. The Coca-Cola dude tries to pretend he knows John McLane but, of course he doesn't, because John McLane prefers Pepsi. He also gets shot in the face by Hans Gruber. So, Hans Gruber then pretends to be one of the hostages and tries to trick John McLane. But he doesn't. John McLane gives him a gun with no bullets in it and you had to be there. It's funny, I swear. Then I fell asleep for a while so I don't remember. But in the end the FBI comes, the roof blows up but John McLane saves everyone, and Hans Gruber falls out of a window and dies." Mai stops. That's the end of the story.

Bunny looks expectant.

Mai adds, "And he lived happily ever after with his wife, okay?"

"Okay." Bunny shrugs. "So… what country is that story from again?"

"… The Netherlands."

"'kay." Bunny lies down, satisfied by the Christmas story. "Thanks, Mai."

"No problem." Mai awkward pats her on the head and walks out of the room, directly into chaos she didn't even notice.

She does not even have time to ask what happened before Ilah says breathlessly, "Zuko and Azula both ran out into the snow. They're going to freeze to death."

"It's the middle of night in the _Rockies_. What are they even thinking?" Mai tries to sound mocking and detached, but her voice cracks and her heart pounds. She thinks maybe they can hear it beating out of her chest.

"They're thinking that the fight down there got very bad the minute Zuko punched through the wall," Ilah says softly. "Will you and Katara and Ty Lee go look around for them? They can't have gotten far."

Mai takes that to mean that Azulon, Iroh and Ozai are still in the midst of the unfortunate battle. Then Mai looks up to see that Ty Lee is crying hysterically. Mai awkwardly pats her back.

"Azula's not going to freeze to death. Keep calm." Mai attempts and fails to reassure her. Ty Lee only cries louder.

"She is! You know that she is!" Ty Lee screams, throwing her arms around Mai and pulling her into a tight embrace. "Please, please help us."

"I'm going to help you," Mai says, pushing Ty Lee off of her. It feels like removing gum from her hair, but she succeeds in the end. "Let's get dressed. They don't have much time."

" _Mai_ ," Katara snaps as Ty Lee bursts into tears yet another time.

"You don't look so worried about Zuko," Mai snaps and that renders Katara speechless.

Katara pulls on her parka, shoots Mai a venomous glance, and walks out of the house into the six feet of snow. Mai gets dressed and walks outside, letting Ty Lee cling to her the whole way. Katara is already working on starting up one of the two snowmobiles.

"I'm going to have to ride with Ty Lee, aren't I?"

"Mai drives scary! Take me please!" Ty Lee screams at Katara, remember the days of _Death Proof_ together.

Mai used to drive down the coast going nearly a hundred miles per hour. She was a girl who barely spoke, a girl who people thought was either dangerous or pretending to be dangerous, one who was sarcastic and wanted to lie back and drift on the currents of life. But when you got her on a swing as a little girl she wanted to fly; when you got her behind the wheel of a sports-car she would drive like a crazy person.

Her boyfriend when they were sixteen had a motorcycle and that was the only reason she dated him.

All of that comes back to Ty Lee and at first warms her with nostalgia, before she remembers Azula's role in all of those events and her heart aches. Please don't let Azula be dead or freezing.

 **.**

"ZuZu, slow down," Azula says hoarsely. "I don't feel cold anymore."

"Well, lucky you. Always lucky. Father always said you were born lucky and I was lucky to be born. No wonder he didn't want me in the divorce."

"Firstly, _mother_ didn't want _me_! Secondly, shut the fuck up about your unresolved childhood issues. I swear I'll take you to therapy when we get out of those. But _I don't feel cold anymore_. That's… really not a good sign when I'm drenched with snow and we're in the middle of the goddamned mountains."

Zuko hesitates and licks his lips. He can remember a movie on _Netflix_. He can remember when he was younger and his mother told her about how two of her friends died on Mt. Hood. And when he looks at Azula, he reaches towards her and pulls her into one arm.

"Do you have your lighter?" Zuko breathes as she reluctantly accepts the slight increase in her body temperature.

Azula's eyes flash and she rips herself away from her brother. "I told Ty Lee! I told her that smoking would save my life if I ever was in a survival situation!"

"I do not think smoking saves lives but _do you have it_?"

"Yeah," Azula says, rummaging in the pocket of her blazer. She withdraws the white lighter with the intense blue dragon adorning it and attempts to flick it on. Azula succeeds only in breaking her thumbnail. "I'm too cold. Do it for me."

Zuko swallows and tries to remember how to do this. He manages, thankfully, and then closes it.

"We need something to burn," he says and then he looks down at the boots that Uncle bought him from West. He bitched and complained about them, but they happen to be of a decent quality. He pulls off his socks. "These are not the best combustible material I can think of."

"Just dig a fire for us. I'd do it if I could move my hands," Azula hisses and Zuko groans.

"You are so lucky I watch survival shows for fun."

"Isn't your girlfriend an Eskimo?"

"Oh, yeah, on our first date she took me up to Alaska and taught me how to build fires, hunt seals and live harmoniously with nature," Zuko grumbles.

"Then listen to my orders," Azula says and Zuko glares at her.

"Just once. _Just once_ ," he growls before listening to the steps of building a fire. "You really are the Queen of the Girl Scouts."

"If you call me that one more time I would not be surprised if your house burned down with you in it," Azula hisses, grabbing the lighter and kneeling by her perfect fire that Zuko managed to execute.

"It was such a funny nickname. Mai used to call you that all the time." Zuko laughs and tries to warm up with weak fire. It's better than nothing, at least. "You were so prissy."

"I had to be prissy. I've wanted nothing more than to be the successful empress of a conglomerate for my entire life. With a hot wife and my face in magazines and to want for nothing."

"You wanted for nothing as a kid. Father took better care of you than me."

"I wanted to be able to do it for myself. To control everything and to achieve more than he ever did. I want Sozin and father and grandfather to be known as the people who _beget_ me because I did more than all of them. And, believe me ZuZu, I've been getting closer and closer to that since I was six years old." Azula smirks and relights the fire. The socks are not burning for long.

Zuko is going to die glaring at her for flaunting how much better than him she turned out.

It seems fitting.

 **.**

Ty Lee clings to her old best friend as they take snowmobiles through the mountains.

Mai drives like a lunatic, but Ty Lee appreciates the icy wind stinging her cheeks because it means she is getting closer to Azula. She can't lose her. She _can't_. Katara is close behind and Ty Lee tries not to be impressed by her, as it would be disloyal to her beloved.

"I'm gonna marry her!" Ty Lee shouts and Mai doesn't slow down.

"I know! Ozai told me!" Mai says breaking a stack of snow and showering them in chunks of it. Ty Lee screams but even that doesn't slow Mai down. "I figured she'd announce it!"

"Who else knows?" Ty Lee demands and Mai shrugs.

"I don't know! Just—Zuko!" Mai comes to a stop right before crashing into the two warring siblings.

Ty Lee jumps from the snowmobile and tackles Azula to the ground. She kisses her again and again on the lips, making everyone extremely uncomfortable. Katara gently kisses Zuko and takes off her mittens so that he can squeeze into them.

Mai sits there, breathing a sigh of relief while no one is listening.

"That was a surprisingly successful rescue mission," she remarks.

No one pays it any mind.

 **.**

When they get back to the house, Azula stumbles inside and Ty Lee drags her up the stairs towards her bed.

Ty Lee lays her girlfriend down onto their bed and fetches those fur blankets.

"I love you. Please don't die," Ty Lee whispers as she makes Azula as comfortable as possible.

"God, I'm not going to die. You can't kill me that easily," Azula whispers, trying to keep her eyes open.

"Will you tell them tomorrow?" Ty Lee asks softly and Azula pretends not to know what she is talking about. "Mai and Ozai already know. Tell them we're getting married. Are you just gonna surprise them with the invitations?"

Azula sighs. "No," but she is lying. Azula brought two engagement rings with rocks that could knock out a grizzly bear.

But Ty Lee has no reason to suspect, because Azula has tried to hide their engagement at all costs. They didn't even wear rings. Azula didn't even _get her_ a ring for that matter, but Ty Lee has been expecting one.

"You look so pretty as an Ice Princess."

Azula smirks and thinks about that pillow fort. She liked it more than she will ever admit.

"I preferred Fire Princess. Seeing as my lighter saved my life and you are wrong. You are always wrong and you should adjust to that."

Ty Lee laughs. "You're mean."

"Yes, yes I am." Azula sits up and kisses Ty Lee on the lips.

And Ty Lee sinks into her.

* * *

Epilogue: Dawn

* * *

Azula wakes up to Bunny jumping on the bed like an excited puppy.

"It's Christmas! It's Christmas! It's Christmas! Wake up! Wake up!" she screams, bouncing onto Azula's ribs by accident. The CEO yelps from the pain and sits straight up. "IT'S CHRISTMAS!"

Ty Lee smiles and sits up. "Welcome to parenthood, princess," Ty Lee says, smiling. "It's my nickname for you. I figure it's better than sweet sugar cakes."

Azula rolls her eyes. "I am never living that pretend game down, am I?"

"COME ON IT'S CHRISTMAS I WANT MY IPAD!" Bunny shouts and Azula tilts her head to the side.

Bunny already reminds her of herself. That is frightening.

They walk down the stairs, Bunny's exclamations waking everyone up.

The family sits around that evergreen tree with cowboy coffee and pajamas and for some reason manage to get through the agony.

Azula reacts coldly to gifts from her mother, as expected. Bunny gets enough presents for ten children and Ty Lee kisses Azula three times about that. Katara gives a lecture about major high end designers and their treatment of third world countries, but Ty Lee totally doesn't care because _Prada_.

Zuko takes glances at Mai's low cut nightdress. Azulon takes his coffee with Bailey's and taunts his family with his alleged dreams of a perfect holiday.

And Azula, Azula runs up the stairs to get two last gifts.

One says, _To Azula, From Azula_ and the other says _To Ty Lee, from Azula_.

"Did you honestly address a gift to yourself?" Katara asks loudly and Azula nods.

"Yes, now everyone _please_ pay attention," Azula says. "Open them at the same time."

Ty Lee smiles and nods. They open them with all eyes fixated on the couple. A couple that has been hot and cold for twenty years, but after Azula almost _died_ of cold, she wants them to be hot forever.

And Ty Lee _cannot_ believe it when she sees that they are engagement rings.

"Thank you, thank you!" Ty Lee squeals, hugging Azula tightly as Azulon starts a very awkward applause.

He quite enjoys this scene and how it tears the family in two. Oh, they will have a hard time not ripping each other to shreds tonight for fear of losing their inheritance.

Azula stands up but gestures for Ty Lee to stay down.

"Ty Lee, ask me to marry you. Now."

 **The End**

 _ **but to be continued in the sequel/prequel,**_ _ **Spring Fever**_

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Thank you so much for reading and thank you for your patience about this final chapter being a day late. I've really loved the reviews I've gotten and the kindness of every reader. I asked about a potential sequel or prequel last chapter and I got a pretty high number of people saying they would really like one, and this just didn't feel completed to me. I have more stories to tell about the Shinohai Family._

 _The sequel will also be a prequel. The sequel is about Azula and Ty Lee's wedding, and the prequel will be intertwined to tell a relevant story that reveals more about the past and fleshes out many references in this fic. If you're interested, I'll be posting it before the end of the weekend._

 _Thank you again for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the show. :D_


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